Just fell off a train. Bad.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
