She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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