Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
