his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
