this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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