you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
