god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
