Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
