I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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