OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap