Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm really busy with my period
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