I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
NoShamevember. You game?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.