So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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