First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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