Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
