at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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