So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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