Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
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I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
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he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
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