Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You are the jesus of drinking
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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