I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
