Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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