dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
