so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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