How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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