At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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