we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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