You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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