that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
