he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just google imaged poop.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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