So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Did I show you my penis last night?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
