sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
