she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize