i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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