Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
