Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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