he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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