I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
