Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
