Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
