You just made me feel so damn special
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
