Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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