Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
