Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My life is pants optional.
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