Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
