Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
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We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
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Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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