First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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