my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
