everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
