like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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