Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
