After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
