hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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