Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You are a genius and a whore.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
