Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
