I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
They took my balls.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
