bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
